Over the next few weeks, we will be reading the book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson, the developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. Want to go back to the beginning of the series? Just click here.
So far, Hold Me Tight has been full of tips and instructions on how to handle conflict in the moment or right after. However, you may have had one burning question throughout – how do we keep ourselves from slipping back into these toxic routines? Never fear, Conversation 7 tackles this question thoroughly!
As Dr. Sue Johnson puts it: “Love is like a language, if you speak it, it flows more easily.” The best way to ensure that you and your partner don’t slip into your previous worrisome behaviors is to consciously practice love. Conversation 7 provides many examples on the best way to do this, but we’ll just go over a couple in this post. Make sure to grab the book if you want to learn more!
One of the first ways to keep your love alive suggested in this chapter is to create routines. This one is near and dear to us here at Crescent – many of the suggested routines involve coming up with consistent date nights, maybe once a week or maybe once a month. Need some ideas? Let us help!
Of course, not all your routines should be larger date night activities – you should try to blend in some smaller, daily or weekly activities – perhaps something like always having a glass of wine together after the kids go to bed, or making sure to text each other throughout the day – about things other than chores and children!
Another thing that Dr. Sue Johnson recommends is avoiding danger points – issues in a relationship that may trigger your demon dialogues. If you sense a sensitive spot beginning to form in your communication, call it out and discuss it in the open. Don’t let it fester, because soon you’ll find yourself slipping back into undesirable bad habits.
The last tip we’ll discuss today is creating a Future Love Story. It starts by thinking about where you want to be in 5 or 10 years, perhaps in your career or personal goals. Once you’ve decided on that, discuss your dreams with your partner. Let them know where they fit in, and how they can help you achieve your goals. Once both of you have shared, you’re ready to craft and stick to a plan for how to back your goals come true – the perfect way to make sure you continue to work together as a team!
Next week, we’ll be discussing part one of the final section of Hold Me Tight: The Power of Hold Me Tight. Stay tuned!